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Cirque du Freak: The Vampire's Assistant
Cast: John C. Reilly, Josh Hutcherson, Chris Massoglia, Willem Dafoe, Salma Hayek, Jessica Carlson, Michael Cerveris, Ray
Stevenson, Orlando Jones, Jane Krakowski
Produced by Ewan Leslie, Lauren Shuler Donner
Written by Paul Weitz, Brian Helgeland
Directed by Paul Weitz
Running time: 1hr. 48mins
Up until 2008/9 vampire films were the preserve of blood-lusting horror fans and the occasional Goth types. Twilight and the
offshoot New Moon changed the demographic and made bloodsuckers, much to the chagrin of the aforementioned, the domain of
lovesick teenage girls. "Cirque du Freak: The Vampire's Assistant" crosses these domains in a darkly comic middle
ground which targets teenagers and in so doing still manages to maintain elements of the gothic macabre which made vampires
a staple of cinema from the late 50s onwards.
In The Vampire's Assistant Josh Hutcherson and Chris Massoglia play best chums Steve and Darren. With teenage rebellion
bursting through their hormones and mild school vandelism giving them a buzz, a mysterious car passes by them one day and
a flyer flutters from the window, landing near their trainered feet. Cirque du Freak is in town - and off they head for this
potentially 'awesome' show - and what is easily the most brilliantly staged sequence of the whole film. Tentatively entering
a dimly lit theatre, they sit with a small scattered audience as all manner of strange weirdness unravels before their startled
eyes. It reaches a crescendo with in an appearance by an oddly-dressed individual named Crepsley (deliciously performed by
John C. Reilly and beautifully underplayed, unlike that of seriously o.t.t. Willem Dafoe in ludicrously hammy form as his
pencil-moustachioed associate), and his deadly technicolour pet spider. Steve, who apparently knows a thing or two about vampires,
recognises Crepsley as a vampire from one of his books. Armed with that information, as teenagers so often do, Darren and
Steve set out to make all the wrong decisions.
Off they head into a dark and disturbed series of misadventures beyond their understanding. At the centre of it all is
Reilly, clearly having the time of his life, full of enthusiasm for whatever surprises can be found in the world. Unfortunately
he's forced to play off Hutcherson and Massoglia, both of whom get should get lost, team up with other annoyances like Zak
Efron and and go back to making daft high school musical piffle.
However, it is actually quite easy to overlook the film's teenage leads and focus on the numerously strange characters
that flow through this travelling freak show. The normally redoubtable Ken Watanabe lumbers into frame as a hunchback of exceptional
height and let's not forget a mention for the moments when a sexually aroused Salma Hayek sprouts an impressively masculine
display of facial hair. The film's disturbed villain, a shadowy fat man known as Mr. Tiny, is played by Michael Cerveris,
who is not, in fact, fat. In this outing he wears the single most convincing fat suit ever assembled, a thing quite astonishing
to behold.
The whole film though is quite simply a magical feat of dark tones and contrasting colours. It's eye-popping and although
it's clearly targeted at the teen market, writer/producer/director Paul Weitz doesn't dilute this potentially horrifying world,
rather he mixes it with well timed comedy to balance the tone. That, along with a brilliant performance from Reilly, is enough
to make The Vampire's Assistant the sort of film that transcends teenage pandering and one which can genuinely be enjoyed
and savoured by those of us no longer of an acne-blighted disposition.
Triangle
Cast: Liam Hemsworth, Melissa George, Rachael Carpani, Emma Lung
Directed by Christopher Smith
A highly convoluted narrative concerns Jess (Melissa George), setting off with some apparent reluctance aboard a sea-going
cruiser with Greg (Michael Dorman) and his nautically-inclined chums. Jess looks utterly confused from the word go, this seemingly
brought on by the stress of caring for her autistic son. A little later out on the ocean waves, a strange and freaky calm
before the storm knocks the boat into a mini Poseidon adventure, as they clamber on to the upsided hull, awaiting rescue.
Suddenly, out of nowhere, appears a huge, spooky cruise liner, the SS Aeolus. The soaked but delighted pals climb aboard
only to find the grubby and dated looking vessel completely deserted. Our heroine Jess, tantalisingly strutting around in
a low-cut top, short denim hotpants and high-heeled sandals, manages to catch glimpses of a strange figure and before too
long, albeit somewhat inevitably, blood-stained bodies scattered around the vessel. Triangle is certainly a technically mature
work in concept - the direction at times is actually spot-on, with the script and visuals offering a suffocating and sombre
tone. Although it sounds promising, the film unfortunately falls short by being a cyclical tale, and Melissa George's performance
becomes irritating, unsympathetic and substantially inaccessible all the way through. She is almost constantly aloof, neurotic,
and all we really get from her is that she loves her son.
The whole thing sadly collapses in that it tends to feel it is a great deal smarter than it actually is, and tries to
get away with things in the hope that the audience simply won't understand it and will accept it due to the entire piece being
a real mind-bender. It really isn't all that difficult to understand - and as a result is very easy to pick apart, with several
sections that stretch the limits of acceptability, which you'll clearly detect should it be your choice at the cinema.
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